It’s been what, two years now?
Yes. Two years and counting of dating my beautiful bride to be, Reina. She is the best thing that’s happened to me in my life. She has brought out the good in me and I could go on and on listing the many things she has done to better my life.
Having someone to love and experiencing their affection for you is something beautiful. Love in its entirety is beautiful.
But you don’t always see that beauty especially in the heat of things. When things are not working out and you wreck your mind trying to figure your next.
There is a wealth of wisdom that comes with experience. Nothing beats experience if you’re wondering why job interviewers keep asking for it. So, I’ve merged my own and a few couples experiences in our circles – some married, others not yet – to write this piece.
And whether you are dating, single or married, here’s a list to look at and go like, hmmm, that’s definitely true, or simply shrug and say, that’s a whole lot of BS. Then one day it might just happen to you and these words will be validated.
Anyway, I’ll let you be the judge.
She might actually not like you at first. I’m part of that list of guys who didn’t start on her good side. Maybe the first time you met, she didn’t like what she saw or made of you. Your first impression was whack and she simply dismissed the idea of ever dating you. With time, tables change when she finally sees more of you and learns that you’re not a jerk after all. And you might just be in luck this time.
The woman is always right. Well, not always, but mostly, she ends up being right. I think it’s that sixth sense God gave our women. If you’re a jamaa, take time to listen to your lady and her point of view. More often than not she’ll be right about certain situations. Learn to trust her judgment, to know when to let yours take the back seat and when to let yours lead both of you.
If you can’t genuinely call them your best friend, there is still a lot of work to be done. And to be totally fair, relationships are work. It’s like having a 24/7 job in addition to work and other things in your life. You know you are heading the right direction with this person you love when you can honestly call them your best friend. But don’t forget it takes lots of work to get there and keep it that way for the long haul. So yeah, work work work work work (Not the Rihanna type, please get your mind off the gutter, haha.)
Relationships are like a mirror. You think you are perfect or a God sent gift to your better half until you realize the faults built inside of you. Loving someone is like standing in a mirror. Your weaknesses are made clear to you and you are urged to work on yourself if you take the challenge. Also, your strengths are revealed in better light. You realize how much good and evil rests inside of you through an honest loving relationship. And though you have to face your imperfections, it gets better when they help you deal with them or better still accept you just as you are.
You will fail each other countless number of times. Get used to it, not bad behavior and all, but get used to the fact that your partner will fail you multiple times and your love and forgiveness will be tested. To both parties, try and grow from your mistakes, it gets tiring rectifying the same thing over and over again.
A man still admires other women. Ladies, before you throw your heels at me, let me explain. My point is fact. Just because you are dating the love of your life doesn’t mean your eyes are blocked off seeing other women and noticing, (the keyword is noticing) that they too are beautiful. It’s how you deal with that ‘noticing’ that matters. And though the boundaries may be crossed at times, it takes a real man to build a fortress around his love and protect it with his life. Remember guys, not all that glitters is gold and when you have a Queen in your hands, don’t shuffle the cards, lest you get a joker.
Women vs certain small things. There are a couple of things as a man you need to get used to living with. Her hairstyle for instance. It’s wiser to let her be and only jump in with an opinion when it’s very necessary. Also, her phone. I’m not saying that all women are lousy with communication (ouch!) but there is just something that doesn’t add up about a woman and her phone. When you need her to pick up her phone she’ll have it in silent mode or in her purse and she can’t hear shit. Always think well of her in such times.
Handbags. Men, please don’t carry handbags more than five seconds, okay let’s make it fifty-five seconds on the upper side. Stick to your bag packs and let the ladies carry their bags. And if it’s very necessary, say she’s pregnant and needs a hand with her handbag. Throw it in the bag pack. (You can thank me later for the tip).
Sorry. Most fights are ego based on both sides. If only we said I’m sorry, thank you, please and excuse me, more often then we’d have lesser fights. But you won’t know until you realize your current fight started and lasted longer because you failed to genuinely use one of these words.
It’s the simple things. Never lose sight of the little things that matter to her or him. Make them a constant thing you do to cheer them up, to show them love and respect. You’ll be surprised how much a small gesture goes a long way.
Though this list may not be as exhaustive, let it be a thought starter to making your relationship better. If for whatever reason you need to forget all this, just remember one thing, work.
Your relationship will only work out if you make it work and for that to happen, you must put in a lot of work, daily.
Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.