The first born is like a specimen in the lab. The parents don’t know much how to raise a child. All their knowledge is put to the test. They might become overprotective in the name of love and sure enough they are bound to make plenty mistakes with this one.
The first born is what you would call the sacrificial lamb. They pave the way for the rest of the siblings. They also might end up being the black sheep because they have no one to show them the way or to learn from. They make mistakes and they have to deal with it. The rest of the siblings however have a benchmark to learn from hence the likelihood of not screwing up like the first born.
The first born is forced to wear two hats, a child and a parent. Enter the second born.
The second born arrives ceremoniously. By now the parents know where they went wrong in the first round and they want to compensate for their mistakes by being extra loving with the second born. The second born experiences a heightened amount of love from the parents out to prove to themselves that they are great parents after all.
The first born is made the scape goat to any mistake that arises. If the second born cries, the first born gets a whip for it. If the second born makes a mistake, the blame is shared between the two with more of it falling on the first born.
Soon enough the second born starts to understand how this game is being played. They might end up being spoilt brats because they have the parents good will and the first born will always bear their cross for their mistakes. The second born might think themselves superior to the first born just because they are the parents’ favourite since they are not as messy as the first born, forgetting who was the sacrificial lamb in the first place.
The third born checks in to find this circus running in the family. By all means they want to avoid it. They might end up been reserved, choosing to look at life in the family at a distance. They make good peace makers. They see what has become of the first two kids and they want peace, just that. Once in a while they are pit to choose sides during conflicts between the first two, such times it’s always a hard one to choose because one side will feel disgruntled. Peace doesn’t always seem to work, the third born learns the hard way.
If only everyone chose harmony, there would be less fights between the first two siblings and the parents will be less stressed. Not too much attention is paid to them since the parents are busy shaking any tree that can produce money to pay fees and cater for the bills. From their own observation of the family, they create their own personality that stands out from the rest, but at the core of it is peace for all.
If the first three are the cake, beaten eggs, sugar and flour, the last born is the icing on the cake. All the top seats are taken and they have to live and come to terms that they are the lowest in the food chain. But something else works to their advantage. They are the darling to the parents’ eyes and this might conflict the second born in a way, hence a possible rift.
The last born is mainly raised by the siblings, the first born and the entitled second born. The parents look on and reprimand when the first two take it too hard on ‘their baby’. The last born enjoys a different kind of parenting. The once tough, all talk parents have changed tact and are more accepting of life. The last born can get away with things the rest of the siblings would never get away with. Last born experiences special treatment.
There are times however everyone forgets what turf they need to protect and they all become just one big happy family. Such times are beautiful. No moody treatment towards each other or unnecessarily fights. These moments are made even more beautiful by the simplicity in them – an afternoon playing monopoly, catching up on the latest music videos together, out on a vacation or simply just being together talking.
There’s nothing like family. With all the defects one may have, like a coin, the other side has strengths and good in them. The family then becomes interrelated, connected not just by blood but by something else.
Like how the first born is the go to person when you need some street smarts. Maybe because of their better understanding of life and the many mistakes they have made, they know something that the rest don’t. Or the second born who will teach you some self-love. How to put yourself ahead of everyone else at times when that is the best thing to do. They might be skilled in knowing how to twist your parents’ arms and get what you want more diplomatically since they understand them best.
Could be the third born who understands how to live with different types of people with less conflict. They can see the good in almost every situation and they can make friends with just about anyone. Even Osama (not Obama). The last born is the constant reminder of how far everyone has come. They are like the medallion that keeps reminding you all why you are family. The love. The joy. The pain. The hurt. The full circle.
Well, I may have made plenty of assumptions on this piece but I can bet you there’s a place where the shoe fits. Find it and do something about it. For the good in it.
When it’s all said and done, there’s nothing like family and we owe the people in our lives nothing but love.
Have you read my first novella? Find it here. Enjoy.